Well its been awhile since I made any posts here in my blog but I felt like it was a good idea to come back and start again...I say start because the way in which I posted last time around is not the same way I plan to post this time around. I've changed, the way I think has changed as well as what I do has changed also so thus what I post and how I post will also change.
This year, as a whole year resolution, I decided to face my fears. I decided to do this as a way to grow as I have so many ambitions and so many great ideas that I want to put out in the world but it is going to take alot of inner strength, skill set and abilities in order to make that happen and being able to confront and overcome my fear is a big part of that. So I started off small, I spent time walking without distracting myself with music while I was out and about, I put myself in situations where I was meeting new people and I did these things on a fairly consistent basis. After awhile I felt more comfortable trying new things and challenging myself even more. I got involved in regular karaoke, I tried songs that I didn't know if I could sing and I made alot of mistakes and had many moments where my singing sounded awful in between parts that sounded good...I survived, I felt more comfortable within myself but I also felt more comfortable with mistakes too. I then started to go after even more challenging fears...I actually went nude at the nude beach and I started to put myself in front of the video camera and both of those things caused me to feel very uncomfortable, I got short of breath, I imagined the worst, I felt this really heavy sensation in my chest accompanied by a strong feeling of heat and the urge to run, but I didn't and I got through it and I felt even more confident in myself. My next feat will be to start improv classes in October (Improv is one of the things near the very top of my list of fears) as well as assertiveness class in January (Conflict is also near the very top of my list).
So speaking of facing fears, there are times when my facing of them is not planned....situations sometimes happen outside of my control and I don't have a choice but to be in that situation. Recently a friend and I had a conflict with the landlord (or rather he had it with us) and I don't remember the last time someone got that upset....I'm not going to get into the details of the conflict itself because it is irrelevant to my point but what I noticed when this was happening and the landlord was screaming at us was, I was really calm, cool and collected. It didn't seem to make sense based on the majority of my past experiences with conflict, I wasn't taking it personally, I didn't feel like I had to get even...I just saw it as him screaming and us trying to reason with him and get him to stop screaming. As unpleasant as the situation felt, it was also a rewarding experience in that I was able to see how far I have come with everything I've done to grow and evolve up to this point. I feel like I would be better at handling conflicts now than past me would have even if the other person continued to be upset about it and I feel more comfortable with people getting upset (and thats important because its apart of life and its going to happen so the best thing I can do is to accept it and be comfortable with the idea) This is huge for me!
As for the Video....I've made 2 videos so far that have been posted online and am currently working on my 3rd one which will be about getting my camera. I've gotten most of the filming stuff done, I just need to refilm one clip and add one clip. I also need to learn how to do a couple effects, then edit the whole thing and post it for people to see it. I feel really good about the video and i'm sure you guys will like it. I'm also hoping with more and more time in front and behind the camera, I can become quicker with making and getting videos up online and I'm really hoping that I can become more expressive while on camera as I'm not completely satisfied with that at the moment. I'm sure it'll work out, anyways, until next time!
